Night of the Dead Living.

If there was ever a ranking system for crazy nights, this one sure would make the list.

There wasn't any one customer that stands out, in fact most of the night was not post-worthy.

What makes last night stand out? I have never seen so much idling in the store while I am there. It seemed like every other customer was in the store for 5-10 minutes if not more.

One kid, driving with a troupe of 4 towards Angola, Indiana took one of the 5 hour energy shots early on during his Speedway visit. Let's just say that it kicked in before he left. Those things are crazy.

One kid couldn't pay for his gas and had to wait at least half an hour for someone to come bail him out. He must have sat in the bathroom for at least half of that time.

Some people were just really indecisive in what they wanted to buy.

It doesn't bother me, but it does translate to a night where it seemed like there was always someone in the store, meaning they get my attention. That makes for less time to do the busy work that needs to get done every night.

The latter part bothers me, but not as much because these things happen from time to time and most of my fellow co-workers are very understanding.

Still, the energy shot kicked in before he left. He went from moderately quiet to 100 words a minute in less than 10 words. I'll bet that trip to Angola was interesting...

Next shift is tonight.

Seriously, it actually happened...

So I'm working last night, and a customer comes in to buy a cup of coffee.

This happens a countless number of times during the day, it's no big surprise at all.

The man pours himself a cup of our house blend, which I always make sure is fresh every 30 minutes just like our promise. However, he then notices that we have a shock wave cappuccino dispenser in our cappuccino machine and decides that he wants that. So he pours his full cup of speedway house blend coffee back into the pot that he poured it from.

I am in shock. I know I cannot sell anything else from that pot, but should I really say anything to the guy? I don't want to make him feel bad so I end up not saying anything about it. After he leaves I promptly switch out both pots of house blend with new clean pots just to be safe as I could not remember which pot he dumped back into.

This was the most interesting encounter of the night, and believe me when I say this was a night that could probably have several posts on its own.

Next shift is Friday night.

Irony Abounds

One of my regular customers comes in at least once a week. She's an older lady, and she usually buys two two-liters of pop and some cigarettes.

This morning though, she asks me to check the side of the cigarette boxes and soft packs. I immediately know what she's looking for.

Next to the bar code that we use to scan the cigarettes when someone is buying them you can now find three letters: FSC.

I don't know what exactly the three letters stand for, but the gist of it is that the cigarettes are now Fire-Safe.

I don't know what that means, but this customer complained to me that the new FSC cigarettes taste horrible, are bugging her throat, and that she's not the only one having bad experiences with these new fire-safe cigarettes.

Do I even need to say anything else? This is too funny.

Next shift is Thursday, 2ND SHIFT!!!!

A Memorable First Impression...

I had an uninteresting night last night, so instead I'm going to flash back to a story I could/should have written Friday morning.

Did I mention that I have a new boss?

I didn't know about it until Friday morning when he came in.

I'm having a fairly busy Friday morning and I notice someone slowly walking towards the store. I'm kind of keeping an eye on him as he slowly gets closer, while working through the line of customers I have.

The man comes in and walks directly to the side swinging door that we use to enter the "employee" part of the store.

He introduces himself and extends his hand. I see that he has one of our (new) uniform shirts on so I shake his hand and introduce myself. Then I get back to the customers.

I catch a quick break and look over to chat with him between customers. "You must be a new employee" I say, as that's the only explanation I can think of.

He casually replies, "Umm, actually I'm the new store manager."

WHAT???? I had no idea. Later when I could clock out my current store manager explained to me that she was transferring stores. It all makes sense and now I know about it, but I'm sure I did a double-take when my new boss first told me he was my new boss. I can only imagine how surprised he was that I had no clue.

Next shift is tonight.

I'm not Mr. Manners, but still...

A guy walks in and buys a bottle of iced tea. We chat for a minute and he tells me he is headed for the Mackinac bridge. That means he has about 4 more hours of driving to do.

He pays for the iced tea, opens it and begins to drink it. That's no problem, people do that all the time. Some start to drink them before paying and that doesn't bug me either. What he did next however, is what i wasn't expecting.

He finished the iced tea, put the bottle on the counter and walked out the door. The empty bottle still on the counter, along with the wrapper seal.

It didn't upset me, it was just unusual. I just rounded the counter, picked up the bottle and tossed it out for him. I mean the trash can is right there, next to the counter.

Yes, it may not seem like much but that was the most interesting thing that happened last night.

She probably does know better

It was about midnight last night. Most of the night was horribly slow, but this interaction made it interesting.

A guy walks in and I give my usual acknowledgment/greeting. He mumbles back and I can't understand a word he says.

He gets some stuff and comes up to the counter. I ask him how his night is going.

He replies, "It would be better if I was allowed to go to the bar."

As with most of these stories, I don't know how to respond to this so I finish up his purchase and say "Have a nice night, or hang in there at least."

He replies, "Yeah, I love my wife I swear."

He didn't seem like the kind of guy I'd want to be around if he'd been drinking. I think she made a good call.

Next shift is Thursday night.

OH NO HE DIDN'T!

Near the beginning of my shift a guy probably about my age came in. He went to the back of the store and proceeded to pick up some Arizona Ice Tea. It's pretty popular, particularly with youth, and until last night I thought it only came in two flavors. Green Tea and Raspberry.

So much to my surprise the customer puts his three Ice Tea cans onto the counter, and I see a third Arizona Ice Tea can with a flavor I had never seen before: Watermelon.

I casually make a comment that I didn't even know Arizona Ice Tea made a Watermelon flavor, nor did I know we even carried it.

The customer looks at me and replies, "Well that's not surprising, this is a predominantly white neighborhood."

This blog reveals that when I don't know how to react to an unexpected situation I chuckle, because that's what I started to do. I didn't know what to say. The thing is it's really not. I get people from all races in all the time.

I suppose I could have told the customer that, but I was so shocked at what he said I couldn't say a thing. I could just chuckle, barely hide saying "Oh wow" and tell him to have a good night.

Next shift is Monday night.

Ignorance acts too quickly

Long story short I had to go in early last night. With DeWitt in the middle of Football playoffs, our business exploded briefly after the Panthers finished trouncing Sexton 42-14.

A lady tries to use her card at the pump, and for a reason we're never told the pump denies it, saying "See Cashier."

I don't know why the pump tells the customer that. We have no clue why it happened and can only offer alternative methods to help the customer pay for fuel. I do know that it seems to happen most commonly with debit cards, and that can be for various reasons. 99% of these instances are solved by pre-paying a set amount of money at the register.

Anyways, the lady comes into the store, clearly irate that the pump denied her card. I tell her I am sorry and that I don't know why the pump did that. Then I ask her if she'd like to pre-pay a set amount as that usually remedies the problem.

In an irate tone the lady replies, "NO, I want to fill it up."

I respond, "Well, would you like to pump it and then come in and pay? That sometimes fixes this problem as well."

The lady gruffly responds, "No I don't want to do that either. Can't you authorize it from here as if I was doing it out there?"

I respond, "No I cannot, but wha--" I am completely cut off as the lady dramatically turns away and storms out of the store.

I was about to explain that what I could do was pre-pay a set amount, and that if she filled up before using that amount it would automatically credit the difference back to her card, and that I would even bring the receipt out to her if she didn't want to come back in for it. Apparently I had inconvenienced her enough (since clearly I must have denied her sale and all) that she didn't want to hear any of it.

Now I don't want to be mean, and I was trying to help, but if you're going to act like that then I must rant.

Rant: Look, it's not my fault that you don't understand how your credit/debit card works when you try to use it at a gas pump. It's only public information and would be a good thing to know if you want to use it that way. The problem is one of three things: 1) You don't have enough money on your debit card. 2) Your debit card couldn't set enough money aside to cover the pre-pay before hand so it denied the sale completely. 3) You're in such a bad mood you swiped your Kroger card because you were fuming too much to look at which one you pulled out.

The third one is just stupidity and we can leave it at that. Trying to pre-pay the gas at the register will distinguish whether the problem with your card is problem 1 or problem 2. If you don't have time for that, then storm off, drive to a different gas station, and watch it happen all over again. I'm sure that will help. Even if it does work you'll just find something else you don't like so that you can still be a 40 year old drama queen. Make sure you complain about it at church while you're in Sunday School too. Have a nice day.

End Rant.
Did I go too far? I have to be honest, the first thought that came to mind after this happened was "I wonder what church she goes to." I don't know why, it just was.

You have to learn how to see people as God sees them, but sometimes they make it really hard.

Next shift is tonight.

Here's your sign...literally.

I'm still grinning about this one.

It was about 3:30 this morning. A very young girl walks into the store and asks "How much is your gas here?"

I hope this wasn't disrespectfully obvious, but I literally looked up, looked outside at the gigantic electronic sign positioned at the entrance of our drive and read the price to her.

In her defense it is pretty early in the morning. But still...

Next shift is Friday night.

What an ear-hole!

Tuesday nights/Wednesday mornings are always busy. The grocery shipment comes in meaning it's pedal to the metal all night long. My mind is often focused on the fifty different things I need to do, but that didn't stop me from taking not of one unique customer.

Most of my stories involve unusual customers, the stupid things they do, and other things of similar variety. Tonight's customer features something I thought was really cool. At the same time it's something I could never do myself. I should have asked this customer if I could take a picture of him. I tried to find an image that would give an example of what I saw, but I couldn't find one.

So what is this mysterious sight I beheld last night? A customer walked in with one of the largest "ear holes" I have ever seen. What do I mean by this? He had gauged his ears. I think that's the technical term for it. You start small when you do this, but you can gauge them larger and larger as you go on. It basically removes the cartilage so there's no major damage that I know of. I have one regular customer who has done this, but this guy's were extreme.

The best description I can give is simply to say the bottom of his ear was about the size of a pencil line. He had these things gauged as far as he could. Any further and he wouldn't have anything below the gauge, which would ruin the purpose.

I sincerely wished I has asked to take a picture so I could show it. Maybe next time.

Next shift is Wednesday night (tonight).

Regular Occurences

Nothing really stood out as the night turned out to be a really slow one. I thought I'd take this opportunity to share a few interesting things that happen almost every time I work.

At least once a night a random customer will...
...Pay for cigarettes in only change
...Buy something inexpensive with a $50
...Park incorrectly in our parking spots that are parallel to the store
...Ask me how to get to Canada
...Tell me they don't have a Speedy Card when I can see it
...Come in talking on their cell phone from the point they enter the store to the point they leave it
...Come into the store to only use the bathroom
I don't have a problem with any of these, rather I find it amusing that without fail each of these happen on a nightly basis.

At least once a week...
...A customer will come in looking to buy beer (we don't sell any)
...A customer will come in absolutely drunk/wasted/high
...A customer is lost trying to get to Grand Rapids
...The Krispy Kreme guy will ask me in crass language if any customers have been well endowed females
...A customer will ask me if I'm scared of being robbed
...A car will pull into our parking lot, drive its entire circumference, and leave
Obviously these are situations that are a little more awkward, but I do my best to appropriately deal with them however I can.

These are just a few of the fun things I am now used to dealing with on a regular basis. Many of them can turn into a post worthy visit easily.

If I have another slow night where no one notable comes in I shall most likely talk about some of the "regular" customers I have grown fond of.

Next shift is Tuesday night.

It truly is an art...

Two guys come into the store tonight. It's pretty early in the morning, and they've gotten up to carpool somewhere.

The first guy buys some stuff, and pays with a $20. I hand him his change, we chat a second and he heads out.

Then he comes back in, and calls to his friend. "Hey, you know I got a bag of fresh bologna and cheese, if you want to buy some bread we can make sandwiches." The second guy says "Let me check the price of bread." The first guy nods and heads back out to the truck.

Knowing the guy doesn't know where we keep bread I wander over and check the price for him. I let him know how much it is, and that I don't know how it compares to a grocery store.

He smiles and says, "He just bummed $20 off me, if he wants bread he can buy it."

He bought his stuff (no bread) and walked out. As they pulled out all I could think is mooching truly is an art.

Next shift is Sunday night.

A Lifetime First

Never had this happen before.

I was working and a guy came in. He bought some miscellaneous stuff and then went over and was browsing our selection of condoms, saying something about getting with his girl.

After mulling that decision he comes over to the counter, pounds it with me, leans in and says, "Hey thanks man, you smoke weed?"

I literally laughed out loud and said, "No, I don't. Sorry."

He nods as if nothing happened, says something about coming back in some other time and heads out.

In the blink of an eye...

The story you're about to read is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent. Mostly because I don't know them.

Another night, another shift, another encounter worthy of a blog post.

Before we start the story, allow me to pre-text it by trying to describe a tone of dialogue.

Have you ever been at a party, and you saw someone you were excited to talk to? It's not like you haven't seen them in a long time, but you want to say something in a way that gets their attention, so you enunciate their name purposely wrong in what can best be described as an imitation of Pauly Shore. Does that make sense? "Yoo Ruusty, what is go-wing oon?" Can you read that with the dialogue type I am trying to describe, and if so is there an actual name for it? I'm going to call it the Pauly Shore, and you'll want to remember it for later in the story.

A girl walks into the store tonight. she had to be around my age, maybe younger. She is grungy, dirty, and flustered. She asks if she can use the store phone for a local call, which is no problem.

One of the previous customers on her way out knows this girl and asks her if everything is ok. The girl proceeds to blurt out "No I'm not ok, I'm doing horrible, I'm having the worst day of my life! I'm so tired of walking, are you going south by chance?" The friend smiled (odd) and said "no I'm sorry, I'm going the other way and I'm in a hurry. Good luck." She promptly leaves.

So here I am tending to some other customers. This frustrated young girl has dialed a few different numbers, but no one is picking up. She puts the phone down and stays put for a moment, trying to figure out what to do next. I still have people I am helping so I am unable to ask if I can be of any assistance.

Pretty sad story at this point right? Here comes the weird part that makes this post worthy.

A truck pulls into the parking lot and two guys get out of it, entering the store. In the blink of an eye, this girl's entire composure changes. She goes all Pauly Shore, and greets the guy in an upbeat, happy demeanor. "Yo Jeeffery, what is go-wing oon?" He says hi back, they chat for maybe 2 seconds and she smiles. Then she leaves the store. She walks away and I don't see her again the rest of the night.

Of course I am the only person in the store long enough to notice this two second total transformation. I'm left to ponder what just happened as I continue to help customers.

There were some other interesting encounters, but that one was the most post-worthy. I guess there's no end to what we will do sometimes to get people to notice us.

Next shift is Tuesday night.

Amish Invasion

I am wondering how many posts I will write with the pre-text "I am not making this up."

You might be better off assuming it's in front of every post.

Last night, I was invaded. A big white van slowly pulled into the parking lot of our store. It pulled around the outside borders of our parking lot and settled next to one of the store doors, nestled neatly in a parallel parking spot.

They promptly exited the vehicle and entered the store. There were at least 20 of them. All wearing long shirts, cotton pants and suspenders.

I didn't know if they were Mennonites or Amish, but I wasn't afraid to ask. They were Amish. Most of them were teenagers. They were headed home, coming from "stinking Indiana" as their driver put it.

Their driver really didn't appear to be Amish at all. Truth be told, he weirded me out a little. Not the type of person you'd expect to be driving Amish around, that's for sure.

They used the bathroom. Some of them bought snacks. One used a credit card.

I've met some weird people working nights. This was the first time that I've really encountered a large group of Amish youth, but I was more surprised at the other customers coming in, and how they didn't know how to react.

Think about it. We are so dependent on technology. This blog couldn't be possible without it. Most of what I do in my life wouldn't be possible without electricity, much less without modern technology. Yet this group of people choose to live without it. As I understand it the youth are allowed to go out and explore it when they come of age, and a fair number of them choose to go back to their simpler lives. It makes for some interesting thought and concepts.

Nevertheless, this certainly was the most post-worthy visit I got last night. The Amish Invasion of Speedway. I wonder how many of them were buying candy for the first time...

Next shift is tonight.

The Best One Yet

This is BY FAR the best conversation I've ever had with a customer.

Customer: "I thought these chocolates were 39 cents."
Me: "They are."
Customer: "Well then why does the receipt say 78 cents?"
Me: "Well, you bought two."
Customer: "But I thought they were 39 cents."
Me: "They are, but you bought two. 39 plus 39 is 78."

Yes, this actually happened.

Unofficial Purpose Statement

It has been observed that I run into many unique situations. I currently work nights at a Speedway in DeWitt, Michigan. It's a pretty diverse area, containing all types of people.

Each night is the same, yet at the same time each night is defined by one event out of the ordinary. Sometimes that event involves a feuding couple. Sometimes it's just a Canadian returning to Toronto, stopping for some gas while looking for a Tim Horton's. Sometimes it's a tipsy waitress who seems to have forgotten her boyfriend is right next to her.

Each night stands out, and this blog is intended to chronicle those stories. I hope to post a new update at the end of every shift.

I don't plan on staying on nights at Speedway forever. Sooner or later I'm bound to take a different job. I hope to keep this blog intact when that happens, although I don't know what shape it will take in that event. One things for sure: Someone is always on the clock, and someone is always watching.

Welcome to Humanity on the Clock.