"Tran"-scending normal behavior...

It finally happened.

I was working the grocery shift with the other night guy, and a customer came in. She was an old lady who went right for the restroom. However, she wasn't an old lady if you catch my drift...

My co-worker claimed fraud immediately. I said I'd have to get a better look before I weighed in.

I took a long enough look when s"he" came out. The broad shoulders that towered above me while still slumped were enough to tell me not to look any longer. I didn't want to be obvious after all.

My co-worker got the pleasure of working his/her purchase at the register. He got a fool-proof analysis. From the hairy arms and chest, the deep voice and the mullet-wig, this old lady truly made you want to say, "Woah man, what are you doing?"

He might not Twitter but he sure can Tweet!

I have a regular customer who I probably see once a week.

Today we'll call him Bob in the name of confidentiality.

Bob is unique. He's kind of a crazy older guy with a distinct uniqueness about him. He has a parakeet that is always on his shoulder when he comes in. The parakeet cannot fly but that doesn't stop him from being the center of attention every time he comes in.

In the winter time the bird will wait until Bob is in the store to proudly emerge from the inside of his coat, ready to announce his presence to the world.

Just a few weeks ago Bob and the parakeet came in the store while some local High school girls were grabbing soda drinks after their big Winter formal. The parakeet starts hooping and hollering and they immediately go gaga for it. It starts horse-playing, jumping on the back of Bob's hooded sweatshirt so that he can't reach for him. Naturally, Bob just decides to walk back out into the windy outdoors. At this point the parakeet makes a mad dash around Bob's hoodie and back into the warmth of his jacket. This is typical behavior for the bird. He showboats whenever he is in the store.

This morning is no different. Bob enters the store and almost immediately the Parakeet is out. Noticing no one in the store he still starts to chirp and sing.

As Bob gets his purchases the bird is still chirping. When Bob comes up to the counter I start to ring up his purchases, it is then that I notice the parakeet keeps looking right at me before chirping.

Finally I make light of it by looking right at the parakeet and saying "You're absolutely right. I didn't say hello and I'm sorry. Hello!" Bob chuckles and much to the amazement of both of us, the parakeet stops chirping.

It was as if he was waiting for me to acknowledge him. He proceeded to climb around Bob a little bit, then it was time for them to go.

It was a pleasant distraction from an overwhelming evening. I seem to have an understanding with animals.

Next shift is tonight.

A door nail can be pretty smart....

Had a couple of college age kids passing through about 1 a.m. this morning. I think they were on their way to Canada. One kid thought they were already there.

I've found a certain type of customer to be more annoying than others. The biggest reason is that they seem to lack any respect for anyone, and they are also fairly clueless as to what is happening around them. This is of course referring to the white redneck hick. Seriously, get with it.

Anyways, this kid fit the bill perfectly. He's stomping around the store, asking questions and expecting my full attention even if someone is at the counter. As I'm scanning his items he pulls out a $5 to pay for it and says "Do you take American money here in Canada?"

I literally freeze in place. "Here in Canada? I'm pretty sure you're still in Michigan."

He stops. "Oh." At this point it is taking everything I have not to laugh. As his road trip companions come out of the bathroom they all head for the door. As they are leaving I hear him say (and this is direct quote) "What'd you tell me that for, we ain't in no Canada!"

At this point I had to hide myself in the back whilst I laughed aloud. Personally, I would have thought the Mid-Michigan map on the wall would have given it away, if not the speed limit signs still in miles per hour. That's just me though...

Not to extend a crude joke...

Not to go on about yesterday's topic but this is worth mentioning.

The customer that was making fun of the male enhancement drugs on Monday morning bought them on Tuesday morning. "I talked the wife into it." He said.

Hmmm....

May it never be...

Within the last month or so we've received some new products that we've began selling. Some of them I'm not too keen on, including Exten-ze. It is a male nutritional enhancement pill.

One of my regular customers came in and noticed it for the first time and started laughing. Then he saw how empty the container was. "Apparently it's a big hit" he said as he continued to laugh.

I know you're not supposed to laugh at your own jokes, but my reply got me thinking. Then that thinking got me laughing.

To the customer I replied, "I just hope they never ask me to suggestive sell the stuff. I'm pretty sure I'll get a black-eye."

I mean think about it, what could you say at a Speedway to sell male enhancement pills?

"Just a jumbo hotdog today sir? Speaking of which..."

While I don't think I'll ever be asked to specifically suggestive sell that product, I'm still praying against it just in case.

I know it's a little sophomoric, but it was a slow night and it was the most interesting thing to happen in the store.

Working almost every night, will post as interesting things happen.

Appearances are decieving...

I work full time nights now. Crazy thought, just started last night.

Somewhere around midnight there's a moving truck that pulls in. It begins to fuel up.

I look out the window and see a man standing by one of our property's pine trees. Bear in mind that between our store and the road there are only three of these pine trees. They are very spaced out.

I do a double take. The man is standing directly in front of the pine tree, as if to shield himself from the road. His arms are pointed down in front of him as if he is holding something.

My jaw drops to the ground. Am I actually seeing what I think I'm seeing? There's only one pine tree there! This can't be happening. Can I even do anything about this? What do I say if he comes in?

I look away for a moment to keep myself from staring and look back 10 seconds later. That's when I see it.

A small dog comes out from under the tree. The man turns, and he was holding the leash in front of him. His other hand is in his pocket.

I start laughing. At the same time I am very "relieved" that I didn't see what I thought I saw...

Next shift is tonight.

Night of the Dead Living.

If there was ever a ranking system for crazy nights, this one sure would make the list.

There wasn't any one customer that stands out, in fact most of the night was not post-worthy.

What makes last night stand out? I have never seen so much idling in the store while I am there. It seemed like every other customer was in the store for 5-10 minutes if not more.

One kid, driving with a troupe of 4 towards Angola, Indiana took one of the 5 hour energy shots early on during his Speedway visit. Let's just say that it kicked in before he left. Those things are crazy.

One kid couldn't pay for his gas and had to wait at least half an hour for someone to come bail him out. He must have sat in the bathroom for at least half of that time.

Some people were just really indecisive in what they wanted to buy.

It doesn't bother me, but it does translate to a night where it seemed like there was always someone in the store, meaning they get my attention. That makes for less time to do the busy work that needs to get done every night.

The latter part bothers me, but not as much because these things happen from time to time and most of my fellow co-workers are very understanding.

Still, the energy shot kicked in before he left. He went from moderately quiet to 100 words a minute in less than 10 words. I'll bet that trip to Angola was interesting...

Next shift is tonight.